Obervations among the Hindoos, Shihks and Musulmans of Indostan

So as expected we got lazy and internet cafes got hotter so we haven't written or uploaded much. Since last post we have been to Shimla (like harry potter with middle class Indians on vacation), Chandigarh (laid out like Mississauga  sort of), Delhi, Varanasi (saw burning bodies... cool?), and now Kolkata. We have about three more days here before we go for a trek into the Sunderbans Tiger Reserve. Apparently the high saline levels in the Mangroves of the Ganges river delta have made the tigers there develop a somewhat unique taste for humans. They generally take out at least 10 people a year. I'm honestly a little nervous, but I still think Kim would make better prey than myself so I just need to always stand behind her.  Anyways,  here are some observations about weird stuff in India:

1. Just two dudes, hanging out, holding hands
I had heard about the homosocial nature of Indian culture before I came as well as the greater degree of male-male touching in India than certainly in North America. None the less, I was sort of weirded out by the amount of not just pat of the back or hand holding touching, but cuddling while sitting between each others legs, caressing and cheek to cheek rubbing you see all the time here. It is mostly between men in there late teens and twenties. Of course, this isn't seem as remotely homosexual in Indian culture.

It becomes weird when you see the number of bollywood movies that use the "guys do something gay when they aren't" type jokes (think the "those aren't two pillows" line from Trains Planes and Automobiles). We saw Housefull a couple of weeks ago, and there's a joke where a guy gets into bed and starts caressing what he thinks is his wife but what turns out to be his best friend. They realize, scream and jump out of bed. The audience found it hilarious, even though there were several guys in the audience cuddling in the lobby before the movie and a bunch holding hands during.

There was recently a whole movie where guys seeming gay was pretty much the only joke in the movie.



Kim also finds it weird when they cuddle and then look lust-fully at her, almost like they use each-other as proxy or something. It's odd.

2. LIGHT SWITCHES
Up is off! Down is On!   WTF! (Kim disagrees and thinks this is not strange, just British)

 3. Featuring the Soundalikes
Just about every bar we've been to in India the western music they play has been either rock from the 80s or 90s or boy bands. The weird thing is that all the music is not performed by the original artist but by someone who sounds sort of like the original, but not quite. It's like every bar bought the same "all time hits" album not noticing all the songs are performed by impersonators. The Bryan Adams impersonator is probably my favourite because the raspyness comes and goes. The cover of GNR's Sweet Child of Mine is is also fantastic because all of the guitar licks, including the solo, have been as dumbed down as possible making the song sound awful.

The only exception has been a bar in McLeod Ganj where they loved Shaggy.  I don't get it but Tibetan Monks love "It wasn't me."

4. Drugs
I have been offered drugs on the street in every place we've visited here. In most cases the Chris Rock adage people don't sell drugs, drugs sell themselves, has been true and the pushers would just walk by saying the name of the drug they're selling (usually hashish because it's sort of legal here for Hindu Sadus). In these cases if you said nothing the person would keep on walking. However, a bunch of times people have walked with us and really tried to sell us on their drugs, the same way people try to sell pashminas or pointy-toed shoes. The weirdest instance of this was in Varanasi where a guy first approached us trying to get us to go to his pashmina shop. We said we already have a bunch and he insisted his were the best in India and we should just look. When we didn't respond to this he asked if we wanted some opium. I said no and he literally spent 5 minutes walking with us telling us why we should really try some of his opium. Apparently it's great for couples when you're traveling for both sex and to reduce anxiety. He also talked about how Varanassi is the best place to do it because it's such a spiritual place and that we should see the burning ghats on it. He asked where I was from and when I said Canada and he told me he exports there. I asked, "your pashminas?" He said "yes, and also my opium." He then offered to take us to the opium factory, "no buy, just look." While I kind of regret not going, because really when else am I going to have the opportunity to see a live working opium factory, I'm sure I would have been pressured to buy as least some opium before leaving.

5. Christmas Carols: They turn up all the time around here on ring tones, melodies that turn on when you start your car, and lots of street performers. I guess if you don't have Christmas the melodies don't have the same association, but hearing jingle bells all the time is weird.

6. Cell Phone Porno Spam
I get texts almost hourly telling me to get sexy photos of Pamela Anderson by going to google.com/images/pamala+anderson

7. Guys in Girl Tank Tops
A lot of guys wear racerback tank tops that Kim swears are cut for girls. It looks that way because many of them are hot pink.