So we've been on Hong Kong for about three days now after three amazing days in Macau. The greatest thing about these two cities has been the public bathrooms. In India, the only semi-reliable place to go would be in our hotel room which was dingy at best. In Macau, I would avoid the bathroom in our 5 star hotel room just to go to the ultra lavish ones at the brand new Casnios surrounding it.
Speaking of Casinos we won $180 in Macau. It was HK$ but, still enough for a couple stiff drinks.
Hong Kong has been way better since our first trip here. Our first time, I think my jetlag made me thing everything smelled like steamed buns. This time, minus the jet lag, things only sometimes smell like steamed buns. Also the area of Kowloon near our hotel is jam packed with Indian men hassling you like crazy to go into their shops or buy fake bags/watches or hashish. Feels like India. Culture shock averted.
This might be our last post for a while because we leave for mainland China tomorrow and I'm pretty sure blogger is blocked there. So, as a special treat here is a collection of photos of Kim and I with Indian people!!!
Most foreigners to India get asked to take photos with random Indians at least once during their trip. For Kim and I this happened all the time. It went from one man running around and rounding up nearly 30 members of his family for a photo with us to a line-up of parents placing there children between Kim and I for a photo (both of these were at Qinta Mintar in Delhi strangely enough). At first it was cool but after a while it feels weird. So rather than just being objectified Kim and I decided to participate and take photos back. Below is the results, although we really only took pictures back about 40% of the time (it always made the interaction way longer so sometimes it was easier to just move on).
Enjoy.
bahhhhhh internet is being annoying... more coming soon. or not whatever.
As you start walking down some of the old portuguesy streets you notice the shop owners on the way all play it cool. Rather than there eyes lighting up as you, the likely rich foreigner, comes near they look at you and your ratty clothes with a mix of disinterest and disgust. I don't get it. Sure I've worn these for the past 24 h , but I washed them in a hotel sink the day before. A group of young chinese males come near and you take off your sunglasses to give them dirty looks when they inevitably start leering lustily at your girlfriend, but they just walk by and don't notice you. Later you enter the main square, crawling with Chinese tourists. Ok , you think, here comes the lone ups of people asking for photos with you. You brace for the deluge, but it never comes.
What's wrong with this country. Nobody pays us any special notice because were foreign. We now have to look at the prices on menus and it is no longer accceptable to tip 20 cents.
Kim and I quickly ran back to our hotel hid under the covers and hoped that when we came out we'd be in india again.
This is what I expect the next stage of our trip to be like (except for the whole being an Indian man who is the reincarnation of a Chinese warrior part).
So as expected we got lazy and internet cafes got hotter so we haven't written or uploaded much. Since last post we have been to Shimla (like harry potter with middle class Indians on vacation), Chandigarh (laid out like Mississauga sort of), Delhi, Varanasi (saw burning bodies... cool?), and now Kolkata. We have about three more days here before we go for a trek into the Sunderbans Tiger Reserve. Apparently the high saline levels in the Mangroves of the Ganges river delta have made the tigers there develop a somewhat unique taste for humans. They generally take out at least 10 people a year. I'm honestly a little nervous, but I still think Kim would make better prey than myself so I just need to always stand behind her. Anyways, here are some observations about weird stuff in India:
1. Just two dudes, hanging out, holding hands
I had heard about the homosocial nature of Indian culture before I came as well as the greater degree of male-male touching in India than certainly in North America. None the less, I was sort of weirded out by the amount of not just pat of the back or hand holding touching, but cuddling while sitting between each others legs, caressing and cheek to cheek rubbing you see all the time here. It is mostly between men in there late teens and twenties. Of course, this isn't seem as remotely homosexual in Indian culture.
It becomes weird when you see the number of bollywood movies that use the "guys do something gay when they aren't" type jokes (think the "those aren't two pillows" line from Trains Planes and Automobiles). We saw Housefull a couple of weeks ago, and there's a joke where a guy gets into bed and starts caressing what he thinks is his wife but what turns out to be his best friend. They realize, scream and jump out of bed. The audience found it hilarious, even though there were several guys in the audience cuddling in the lobby before the movie and a bunch holding hands during.
There was recently a whole movie where guys seeming gay was pretty much the only joke in the movie.
Kim also finds it weird when they cuddle and then look lust-fully at her, almost like they use each-other as proxy or something. It's odd.
2. LIGHT SWITCHES
Up is off! Down is On! WTF! (Kim disagrees and thinks this is not strange, just British)
3. Featuring the Soundalikes
Just about every bar we've been to in India the western music they play has been either rock from the 80s or 90s or boy bands. The weird thing is that all the music is not performed by the original artist but by someone who sounds sort of like the original, but not quite. It's like every bar bought the same "all time hits" album not noticing all the songs are performed by impersonators. The Bryan Adams impersonator is probably my favourite because the raspyness comes and goes. The cover of GNR's Sweet Child of Mine is is also fantastic because all of the guitar licks, including the solo, have been as dumbed down as possible making the song sound awful.
The only exception has been a bar in McLeod Ganj where they loved Shaggy. I don't get it but Tibetan Monks love "It wasn't me."
4. Drugs
I have been offered drugs on the street in every place we've visited here. In most cases the Chris Rock adage people don't sell drugs, drugs sell themselves, has been true and the pushers would just walk by saying the name of the drug they're selling (usually hashish because it's sort of legal here for Hindu Sadus). In these cases if you said nothing the person would keep on walking. However, a bunch of times people have walked with us and really tried to sell us on their drugs, the same way people try to sell pashminas or pointy-toed shoes. The weirdest instance of this was in Varanasi where a guy first approached us trying to get us to go to his pashmina shop. We said we already have a bunch and he insisted his were the best in India and we should just look. When we didn't respond to this he asked if we wanted some opium. I said no and he literally spent 5 minutes walking with us telling us why we should really try some of his opium. Apparently it's great for couples when you're traveling for both sex and to reduce anxiety. He also talked about how Varanassi is the best place to do it because it's such a spiritual place and that we should see the burning ghats on it. He asked where I was from and when I said Canada and he told me he exports there. I asked, "your pashminas?" He said "yes, and also my opium." He then offered to take us to the opium factory, "no buy, just look." While I kind of regret not going, because really when else am I going to have the opportunity to see a live working opium factory, I'm sure I would have been pressured to buy as least some opium before leaving.
5. Christmas Carols: They turn up all the time around here on ring tones, melodies that turn on when you start your car, and lots of street performers. I guess if you don't have Christmas the melodies don't have the same association, but hearing jingle bells all the time is weird.
6. Cell Phone Porno Spam
I get texts almost hourly telling me to get sexy photos of Pamela Anderson by going to google.com/images/pamala+anderson
7. Guys in Girl Tank Tops
A lot of guys wear racerback tank tops that Kim swears are cut for girls. It looks that way because many of them are hot pink.
So we're about half-way through our time in India, and after weeks of +40 heat, last Tuesday we traveled to the hills in the North West to cool down for a bit in McLeod Ganj. McLeod Ganj is an incredibly relaxed place compared to everywhere else we've been in India. It is also crazy beautiful, remarkably cheap and has some of the best food we've eaten yet. While these things have made for an awesome vacation from India, they also tend to attract two groups: Tibetan monks and Hippies. The first ones aren't so bad (we saw a markedly famous one the other day whose name we don't want to mention so our blog doesn't get blocked when we're in China). However the second.... which brings me to the real reason for this post.
PARACHUTE PANTS!!!
They are everywhere here, but of course, only on tourists.
Kim and I had this idea to take pictures of white people humorously wearing traditional Indian clothing as something of a joke through out our whole trip. It's catty and cynical, I know, but it passes the time (we had plans to print-out all of these gems along with our expedia e-tickets and put them into a glass top coffee table). But here, its like fish in a barrel. Its like every other white person on the street is wearing these ridiculous pants.
I mean, I understand wanting to dress local, especially in a place with extreme temperatures like India in the summer. But Indian men wear jeans and golf shirts. Women wear dresses or saris, which although occasionaly have loose pants, they're never tight on the waist, crazy loose in the crotch and tight on the thighs.
I'm convinced it must be a joke by a group of Indian tailors somewhere who conspire to see how many westerners they can make dress silly thinking its the 'custom.'
Anyways, tomorrow we move on to Simla where we'll look a Raj-y estates and ride the toy train.
1. CRAZY AMAZING PUBLIC TRANSIT
In the run up to the Commonwealth Games, Delhi has invested in massive expansions to its metro system. Unlike most of the city which is fairly dirty, the subway is spotless and ultra modern (also... it uses bombardier trains). The smart card system isn't quite there yet, and it seems like most people still have to line up at a booth to get an individual scan disk for every trip. However, after weeks of being hassled and hustled by auto rickshaw drivers, nothing gave me more satisfaction than to respond to their questions of "where are you going," with "To the Metro." This made them upset.
2. HINDU RELIGIOUS THEME PARKS
We went to Akshardam temple, which is the largest hindu temple in the world, complete with rides, a food court, and imax movie and a music and light water show. It was hilarious because it was quite religious around this particular guru, but then also crazy nationalistic. The boat ride teaches you that India invented EVERYTHING.
No cameras were allowed inside the complex, but here is an image from their website of the anamatronic life story of the first guru.
I also got to run in a stampede because they wouldn't let men in for like 40 mins. The men around me were teaching me stampede etiquette. It was great.
3. LESS COWS
Right now we're in Amritsar. I also got an indian mobile, so if you're rich / bored call 91-954-007-6859
I'll likely be asleep.
well.... at least its a rolex
Finally...a note from Kim in her series of favourite India commercials (which always also seem to have someone from Bollywood in them). This ad is for a drink, Mirinda.
So we're pretty lazy about posting stuff...mostly cause it's hot and the internet is slow and in unairconditioned, stuffy closets.
We are in Agra, which is surprisingly nice. We just spent the evening drinking beers, eating and looking at the taj mahal, hundreds of kites, parrots, monkeys and trained pigeons all from a rooftop. Earlier today we visited Agra fort where the emperor once played board games on a huge floor using dancing girls as pieces. There were also lots of harem areas.
Before getting here we celebrated Dave's birthday in a $30 hotel room for 2 nights. Fancy us! The hotel also had a pool, a crazy rabbit, numerous adorable puppies, no other guests and a staff of about 70.
Earlier, in jodhpur we were again asked to be in a bollywood movie, twice! even told that it was a shahrukh khan film (which kim disputed because she's pretty sure he's not filming at the moment...) Regardless, we took all the requests as a sign (and had no other afternoon plans) and went. As soon as the guy from the movie came to pick us up at the hotel, kim knew it was a real deal because his badge was from YASH RAJ FILMS!!!!!!!! (this is a big deal apparently) Anyhow, it was a pretty big production. We got a big free lunch, sat outside in the scorching heat for a couple of hours with a lot of those weird types who travel to India, and then got to be in the film. in fact, we were the star extras of the day and even filmed a scene with the star. Our only regret was not getting a picture with him. So...look forward to Shaadi Mubarak this Diwali season, potentially featuring either dave's knee or kim's cleavage.
Flight from Vancouver to Hong Kong was diverted to Taipei due to a medical emergency, so we added another country to the trip. I'm pretty sure I saw Taipei 101 while we were landing, or at least I will forever say I did. Becasue of that we missed our connection to Mumbai and were forced to live it up at the best airport hotel in the world 24 hours (a photo will come later which will make this funnyish). So, with our free day in Hong Kong we went into town and saw fish that were filleted but still had beating hearts and moving gills. Pretty appetizing. We also rode massive out door escelators and made all of our belongings smell like those steamed buns you get for dim sum.
We finally got to India at like 2am on Sunday.
Despite the fantastic wine and move selection, on 24 or so hours spent on Cathay Pacific I was disappointinly called sir only once (see last post).
I made up for this in my first hour in India where I was called sir about 27,000 times.
Also in our steriotypical first day we: visited Hindu shrines, were asked to pose for pictures with an indian family, were asked to be extras in a bollywood movie, were unexpectidly bindi'd, saw a man draging a woman by her hair into the middle of an intersection, saw some cows.
Now we're in Udaipur. Its HOT, but its like a dry hot soo. Opening the window in a taxi feels like you're putting your face up to a hairdryer.
kim sends her love.
photos when not lazy.
*Fun Fact: I always thought the wheel on the India flag it was a Karma wheel or something Hindu, but it is actually Ghandi's spinning wheel, and the idea of manual labour bringing people together.
Welcome to the post celebrating prefixes and suffixes.
So we have been in Vancouver for just about a week and are feeling almost recovered from moving, my !000% least favorite task in the universe. I guess I have moved about six times in the past 5 years, and while I try to own nothing, Kim somehow manages to collect more and more ikea goods.
Because we were moving everything one way from Edmonton to Kim's parents' basement, we determined the most affordable way to do this was for me to fly to Vancouver, drive Kim's father's suburban 13h back to Edmonton and then drive back to Vancouver a week later. Crossing the Rockies twice was in the span of a week and a bit was great, although listening to stories on cd passes the time much faster than stories on girlfriend. I kid. If you're ever inclined, the southern route, via banff and calgary, is way more entertaining than going on the yellowhead through jasper. Both routes feature a number of fine energy drink and Dorito establishments, however, only on the southern route did we almost hit a big horn sheep.
Speaking of which, I sawed these animals:
PEOPLE
MULE DEER
CATS !!
BIG HORN SHEEP!!!
(over kim's shoulder... the more impressive male one almost hit our car and I didn't want to risk getting rammed for a photo)
COWS!!!
Anyways, we now believe we have everything in order to fly out Thursday afternoon. We're flying to Mumbai via Hong Kong on Cathay Pacific, for which I have very high expectations (I expect to be refered to as "sir" no less than 20 times over the 20 or so hours of flying - will keep you updated).
The past few days have been going around buying stuff to take with us. I got my phone unlocked so in the future I may post a string of 27 or so digits which may connect people to my pocket. Kim bought a pair of pants that cost $70. $70 !!
I mean she's only taking like 2 pairs for 3 mos. but really.
I plan to wear nothing but shorts and fancy knock-off software.
Although we promised both our mothers we wouldn't go to the India-Pakistan border, I've been reading about trips from Amritsar to the official border ceremony in Wagah. Every description I've read about the ceremony mentions Monty Python because the ceremony looks like it was organized by the Ministry of Silly Walks. Appropriately, here is Michael Palin describing the ceremony:
While I am tempted to go see the border ceremony, I guarantee that I will not do this while in India:
So the title of this post doesn't actually make sense. I know motorcycles and bicycles are different things, but I like alliteration and cheesy/predictable travel blog post titles.
After a four year break, the blog is back on! Dave is still handsome. Actually, because he's a guy he's probably considered more handsome now and will continue to do so as my appearance deteriorates. Lucky him.
While we have traveled since the last post, we haven't had another long sojourn with insane amounts of overnight travel. Until now that is! In exactly three weeks we will be leaving balmy Edmonton and, a week after that, will be heading to Mumbai. While we're pretty open ended about where we go between the flights we've booked, here is a map Dave made of the tentative plan:
- stalking Shahrukh Khan.
- going to the filming locations of many Shahrukh Khan movies.
- doing my Shahrukh Khan impression at least once a day.
- annoying Dave (I think the previous three goals will help me achieve this).
In honour of this great plan, I give you my favourite Shahrukh Khan ad:
